You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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