My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
