I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
