He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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