I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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