just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
