It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
