Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
