I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
