my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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