every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
