fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
