look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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