i would punch a child for taco bell
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
