She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
