I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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