What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
