Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
