I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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