I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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