it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
