I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
