Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
