It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
