remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
