DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
