he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
