Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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