I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize