I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
