Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
