Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
