yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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