I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I had your ass I would rule the world
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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