Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
