WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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