Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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