Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
