Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
