I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize