The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
