Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize