I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
