wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
