Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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