I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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