my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
