i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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