Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
