normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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