you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
