i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
