Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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