we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
