My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
