Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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