Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
