I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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