So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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