Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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