I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Church boner. Awkwardddd
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize