I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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