You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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