The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
