God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
