We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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