I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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