so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
