Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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