Got a toothbrush?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
