I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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