party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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