Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize